“Why are you here Savana? Why are YOU even HERE?”
My professor spoke those words to me a few weeks ago and I had to come up with the honest answer I knew she would drag out of me before the conversation would conclude.
Why am I here at Murray State getting a college education, going to school every day? Those of you who know me, know I like to spice up my life. At least that’s how the past two years have been. Something strange happened when I hit 20. It’s almost like a new Savana, full of what Pinterest best explains as “Resfeber” • (n.) the restless race of the traveller’s heart before the journey begins, when the anxiety and anticipation are tangled together; a ‘travel fever’ that can manifest as an illness • was born and everything I had done in my life, trying to be who everyone else wanted me to be, flew out of the window like my homework actually really did one time.
As I pondered the question for a few minutes I was uneasy about how she would take the best response I could give her.
Honesty. I knew I had to be honest. I heard her ask some of my other classmates who said they’re here to get out of their town, to get a good job, so on.. Then there’s me.
When I first moved back to Murray I was bitter. Possibly depressed. I don’t like to think about it actually. I missed soccer. I didn’t know how to go out and make friends because I always had a given group of friends who I did everything with. I stayed in my apartment alone most nights. I thought I had made the worst mistake of my life giving up my scholarship. But man was I wrong.
“I started college to get another four years of soccer in.” – She laughs, then realizes I’m serious. – “I have gone back and fourth with my parents, even some conversations with raised voices and tears, you know the really fun conversations, over why I need a (we will insert *silly as the word used in the past) piece of paper that is supposed to set me apart from everyone else to get a job.. But if all of us are here getting a piece of paper, I’m now no more qualified than anyone else sitting in this classroom.” – *blank stare from professor at this point*- “I’m not good at school, I don’t really like school, I’m not into the college scene, I would rather be working making money any day than be sitting in this classroom.” – *I think she’s stunned at this point* – “BUT! I have learned about myself.. grown intellectually, found what I like and dislike, learned what I’m good at outside of soccer, and if you would have asked me two years ago I wouldn’t have been able to tell you one thing. I’ve learned about people.. how they think, interact, the choices they make, they places they come from, their cultures.. I have learned that everyone is unique and people make mistakes. I’ve learned that it’s okay to travel, see the world, we are trying to kick start our lives but not be tied down. I think traveling has been my best education yet because I’ve learned far more from exploring the world than I ever have in a classroom. So really I’m not sure why I’m here, but I know I love people, photography, writing and traveling.. So that’s what I’m doing while working to get a silly piece of paper.”
My professor looked at me with a facial expression no emoji can describe which had me worried, but it was followed by a smile. She said, “My dear, that’s why you’re a PR major. You know exactly why you are here.”
Maybe she’s right. My path has changed and opportunities I never would have dreamed of have opened up during the last two years for me and I know there are big things ahead. But sometimes it’s good to just ask yourself, why are you here? Reevaluate the place you’re at, the people you’ve surrounded yourself with, your job, your wants vs. your needs.. Think about how far you’ve came as a person both mentally and physically. Then you’ll probably have a better understanding of why you are here and where you’re going.
Adventure Awaits.
Savana.
Life of Slav 